Negativity to Positivity: Letting Go

Ever since I made my important life decision one month ago I feel a positive change in me, or more accurately, I got rid of a heavy dumbbell that’s been weighing me down all this time.

I haven’t changed who I am I just got rid of that unwelcome weight of issues that stems from my past. Because thinking about my past was a habit I became accustomed to what I thought was the norm. I recalled sad memories, grinning and bearing them because I felt that I had to and not once did I take one step back and told myself to let it go… until now.

Now I feel like I can shine brighter and show everyone who I really am, the positive side of myself without getting too anxious. I feel like I have more time for many things and nowadays I don’t cram things in. If I was going out in the evening or tomorrow I would try and squeeze in my drawings and watch anime with the thought that I had to “make the most of it.” Now I feel like doing everything more than ever and if I don’t get the time to finish tasks in one day I see those future projects as something to look forward to.

My new frame of mind has also helped me with my literacy. In the past two months I read 20 to 30 manga and since I started editing my stories I noticed an instance improvement with my grammar and storytelling and how I convey them. No doubt there is room for improvement as I’m always learning something new but I am very excited about my development as an author. =)

Despite my epiphany I’m still not fond of socialising. Even on my best day and after cleansing my negativity I still struggle and get overwhelming headaches when I’m out socialising.

 

Thanks for Reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

Holding onto Attachments

Thomas and Gordon 2

From my personal experience holding onto attachments can come in many forms whether it’s with physical objects, past memories and emotion.

Finding my own identity was always an issue for me and it was tough as my autism was severe back then and I did not adapt well to change, especially clothes. Every time I would have to change shoes or get new shirts I would get really upset as I felt that I keep on losing my identity, every time.

I really dislike letting go of things so I started to attach myself to everything whether its old objects like clothes, past school works, old ideas for my story and even reminiscing about my past. I really didn’t like this but because I was consumed by all of this I felt that my past thoughts and past objects and emotions were parts of my identity as a person- maintaining the status quo, not adapting to change.

However, one day, I decided to change my mind set. Why should I remember sad thoughts? Why am I holding onto things and not letting go? That was when I realised that I’ve attached myself to objects and emotions as I convinced myself that’s what my life is like.

By focusing on the things that make me happy now I gradually detached myself from the sad memories and past objects. They include anime like NEW GAME and Non Non Biyori, hanging out with my family, Vlogging, Blogging, Art, Writing, Yoga, the list is endless.

Attachments are not bad, you just have to recognise the good ones from the bad ones and it very much reminds me of change. There’s good and bad change in time. As time ticks every second we are living in the present of that tick-tock on the clock with something to look forward to in the future. If time stopped, we would stop, frozen solid and never moving.

The only nostalgia that I kept from the past that still exists in my life today is the presence of Thomas the Tank Engine. Some of you will already know why he was and still is very important in my life. That is a happy attachment. =)

Attachments, emotions and memories are very powerful to the point where you do question your own identity. It wasn’t easy and it did take a lot of time but when I focused on my current happiness I gradually detached myself from the sad memories and the things that made me sad without realising it. In time, they disappeared completely. They may pop up every now and again but pop ups are insignificant to the bigger picture.

I questioned if I was sad, if I was a monster, if I was autistic and so on but those days are now behind me. Being happy made me realise just who I was and that defines me perfectly. =)

Being True to Oneself

Beautiful-Lotus-Flower-Photos-13

It’s been quite some time since I last attended a Yoga class but I went back this morning and I really enjoyed it. I always come away learning something new but this class in particular made me self-aware of my current frame of mind.

Lately, due to various circumstances, I’ve been lacking a lot of sleep as I’ve been very busy with life. I got into the routine of going to bed late and waking up early which hasn’t been doing me any favours. I was aware that I wasn’t myself but it didn’t register because I’ve been too focused to access myself- until I went to Yoga.

This morning’s session was all about being ‘true to oneself’ in which we go into each pose as far as our mind and body allow us to without exceeding the limits. I did one Banana Stretch and had a really bad dizzy spell which made me lose my balance and resulted in me stumbling to the floor.

Usually I would give any pose a go but on this occasion I was like “nope, not gonna happen.” I knew my limits right then and just took a Child Pose to recover. I avoided some moves as some of them brought out the dizziness in me. I went extra slow and observed my state of mind at that time.

Since then I reflected on what happened. I realise now that even though my life is busier than before I still need to take it slow and not put pressure on myself to the point where I lose sleep.

I’m now going to be true to myself and like with Yoga today just take it slow and don’t exceed my own limits. =)

 

Thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

Negativity to Positivity: “What If?”

With Yoga it’s all about inner peace and enlightenment with yourself and others around you. It’s not necessarily about being bendy, that will come in time as it has with me.

My legs are more like rubber than bones now. 😀 Sometimes we overthink about the “what-if’s” rather than realize what’s actually true and what’s happening right now.

“What if”, from my experience, are triggered by thinking about the past and looking to the future. Of course I can’t change the past or predict the future so really there’s no point in worrying about things that won’t happen.

What if I was a football player? What if I went to a secondary school? What if I go to USA next month? I could literally go on and overthink but that doesn’t benefit me in the slightest.

Instead I just focus on what I’m doing now, in the present. At this moment in time I’m making some notes of my fantasy story then I plan to upload a picture and read Strike the Blood novel right before the Euros knockout stages. What a fun day this will be. =)

We all get into these traps of “what if’s” as it’s human nature to do so. And that’s when Yoga comes in. To me, yoga isn’t about seeking perfection, it’s about celebrating what human is and unwind from the stresses of work and over-thinking from daily lives and the “what-if’s.”

 

Hope you all enjoyed reading my blog,

Have a good day. =)

Ryan.^^/