Attachments, Cleansing and Achievement

Elsa

Yesterday I achieved something special.

Ever since I was little I had this thing where I held attachments and had great difficulty letting go. Whether that’s letting go of past memories or physical objects it’s always been a problem. I think Autism does play a part in this but ultimately I became accustomed with this personality trait. All of this was an issue because I attached myself onto these things and I felt these memories or physical objects defined who I was when I was still finding my feet growing up.

Yesterday I decided to sort out my entire room before Christmas and I actually managed to throw out a lot of things that I haven’t used or seen for 10 years. I even gave some books and clothes to the charity shops as they were wasted in my wardrobe. I felt emotional as getting rid of things was not easy but I managed to tame my emotional attachment side and was resolute in my goal and decision.

It’s also worth pointing out as it feels appropriate that I’m only ever sad whenever I recall my younger years and childhood. In turn I’m at my happiest when I’m in the present focusing on my artwork and stories.  Why trap myself in the past where I’m living in the realm of what really matters; the present. With that in mind I decided to get rid of all the sources that link me back to my past. I partly did that throughout the years but I decided to get rid of everything whilst I was feeling motivated.

Yes it was emotional doing it but right here and now I feel cathartic and for the first time I drew my pictures and watched Match of the Day without so much as a fleeting thought.

 

Knowing not to reminisce is one thing but to put that into practice takes time and I feel I probably needed time to let go. I haven’t been able to do that until now. So, from this moment on I will not reflect on my past in my future blogs as that will defeat the object of my achievement. I will do what I’ve already been doing and that is discussing my current news, my art, anime and generally things that are relevant to me.

 

Christmas is coming and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Thank you for reading. =)

Ryan.

 

ps, I also watched the anime film “Fireworks”. I enjoyed it very much. It was another great experience to watch an anime film at the cinema. =)

November Updates

It’s now November. As soon as Halloween finished everyone started to advertise Christmas, which I wholeheartedly approve. =)

 

General News

I don’t really celebrate Halloween as passionately with Birthdays and Christmasses but I did try to get into the spirit when I played board games at my Brother’s Halloween Party. It’s always good fun but I do find myself confused with the rules. At one point I was so focused reading the rules that I accidentally knocked over my J2O all over my Brother’s cards. Whoops!

It was my Mum’s Birthday last Saturday and for her Birthday I got her Disney Crochet Patterns book and a Beauty and the Beast picture that I painted for her personally. I’m thankful that she likes it because it took me a long time to draw and colour it. It was especially difficult because Disney is not my style so it was tough to adapt, but with great fortune I managed it. =)

I watched Kingsmen: The Golden Circle at the cinema with my Brother and afterwards visited the Hard Rock Café to have drinks. That evening did take a toll on me because it was very busy with lots of people, both inside the café and around it because of the Little Mix concert.

I did embarrass myself at the bar by asking for a marshmallow J2O. Why I did this is still a mystery. Putting that aside indulging in that calming yet active atmosphere was a good experience. I wouldn’t want to go out every week but I would certainly like to come back one time to the Hard Rock Café. =)

 

Fun News

During my breaks of writing, drawing and looking after my niece I’ve been indulging on my Nights of Azure game, the second instalment, Bride of the New Moon. I’m really enjoying it. It feels a tad weird not seeing Arnice or Lilysse in it but it’s still good nonetheless.

Thanks to the previous games of the Atelier Series and the first Nights of Azure I have a firm grasp how to play the game. I have good idea the location of the plot, how to strengthen weapons, how to enhance specific items and so on. This time I bought the normal edition for the Nintendo Switch so the efforts it’s probably not as rewarding as it might be for the PlayStation 4, trophy wise, but I find it more rewarding that I’m able to progress through the storylines without online tutorials. I’m figuring everything out for myself and I can enjoy the story and gameplay without worrying about achieving the trophies in the process.

Playing it for the Switch is beneficial as I can play it anywhere. I know there’s the Vita but with Nights of Azure I’d rather play it on the Switch with a controller than on a handheld like the Vita.

In hindsight I probably should have bought the limited edition which comes with extra goods, like the DLC, but that’s not really important. What’s important is my enjoyment of the game which I’m enjoying very much.

I’m doing other things besides Nights of Azure. I’m playing Senran Kagura PBS for the PS4 and New Game! for the Vita. I practice Yoga every day and I’m reading manga/light novels before bed. I’m currently reading How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom volume 4 and just made it to chapter 5. As soon as I’ve finished reading that I’m going to read In Another World with my Smartphone volume 5. I considered reviewing all volumes from 1 to 5 in one swoop but that would be too much of a hassle so I may settle to just reviewing the newest volume if the mood strikes me. =)

 

Art News

I’m taking some time from my schedule to study some art books. I have confidence in my ability right now but studying fantastic art and artists will not only help me improve but it will inspire me more and give me clearer ideas for my future illustrations. Luckily I have ideas I’m already working on but I really want to take my time with them.

I feel I get better with every picture I draw. I can visualise the content of my pictures much clearer, and that makes me very happy.

 

I’m going to attend the Doki Doki Festival over the weekend. This will be quite a big event for me as I arranged the trip to go there with my brother. It’s the complete unknown and I am somewhat apprehensive about it but ultimately I think we will enjoy it. =)

Thanks for reading.^^/

Ryan.

My Birthday 2017

It was my Birthday a few of days ago and I had a wonderful day.

I received nice Birthday messages, thoughtful cards and wonderful presents. The highlight of the day, I must say, is when my two year old Niece said to me “Happy Birthday Bro” because she calls me Uncle Bro. She’s very sweet and clever.

I don’t like a huge fuss or be the centre of attention I just like to spend a quiet peaceful day with my family. I woke up very early so I spent some time in my summer house editing one of my stories whilst listening to the birds singing. During the day I played Mario Kart with all my family and we then stayed up to the early hours watching One Punch Man. It’s fortunate we’re fans of the show and was worth the lack of sleep, haha.

A tad off subject but just thought to bring up something I recently learned about myself, how I used to fear failure.

This fact is important because it explains my thoughts, my obsession with being perfect and having a spotless record in every academic subject and emotional stress that extends back to my childhood. It’s only these past couple of years that I became more laid back and started to accept my weaknesses and being open to making mistakes. Yoga and Art helped me to make peace with my fear that isn’t really such a fear anymore, more of a dislike.

Back on subject- I had a wonderful day. It’s going to be an upheaval task trying to remember that I’m 29 but then again age isn’t really important, it’s more about how you feel. =)

 

Thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

May Updates

Aoba x Hifumi

Hello.

Here I am, reporting in my monthly update.

Not so long ago I chipped a tooth and booked an appointment to get it checked. I was somewhat anxious as it would be my first ever filing… or so I thought. My Dentist told me my “chipped tooth” was in perfect condition with a tiny scrape at the top. I felt much better after this, I was anxious over nothing. =)

For the past few weeks I’ve been very poorly. I was suffering with bad dizzy spells to the point where I couldn’t draw and lost my balance whenever I walked. On top of that I caught a cold in the process.

I wondered if it was because I had been drinking decaf tea for over a week as opposed to my normal regular tea, so I switched to regular tea… only to experience no sleep that very same night. The dizzy spells seemed to have disappeared though. Haha!

I’m more or less better now I just need to rest more and sleep better. I do feel up to drawing more requests so I’ll resume them this evening. =)

Thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

PS, I’m learning Japanese, more specifically Kana. I now understand the difference between Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji. Hurray. =)

April Updates

Hello.^^/

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been very busy with all kinds of things. I’ve been out socialising, continuing my outside projects and helping out with various tasks.

I got back into swimming a couple of weeks ago. I was hesitant in both weeks as the pool was filled with adults and children and we nearly bumped into each other a few times. I do my best to read situations but sometimes you learn things through experience rather than logic, even if you practice the scenario 100 times in your head. Haha.

I’ve been out a few other times as well and watched Wrestlemania at my brother’s and hanging out at Starbucks. My bro and I were both laughing because the gentleman that served me thought my name was Ray, not Ryan. I was chuckling to myself at that silly moment whilst gazing at nothing in particular when a lady, who stood near us, looked up and smiled at me. I felt a little awkward at that moment it looked as though I’ve been staring and smiling at her all that time. Of course this wasn’t the case and I would understand if she thought if I was bonkers but I will take a smile over a frown any day!

 

We had a lot of visitors at my home throughout the week and I helped to look after my niece twice this week on the same days as yoga and swimming. All was well when I felt something was off when I came back from yoga. I don’t know why but I felt very dizzy and lethargic and at one point I thought I was going to be sick. Why was I suddenly feeling ill? I had no idea why. The answer came to me quickly, a combination of lack of sleep and not giving myself enough time to recharge my batteries.

It has been a challenging week for me personally. I usually take things easy but lately I’ve been busier than ever and I’m not used to socialising with others more than once a week. Deep down I’ve probably withheld my stress and doing my best to persevere. My body and mind needs to slow down and take things easier, especially with things that aren’t in my control. It didn’t help that I got back into the habit of going to bed late and waking up very early.

It’s all ok though, as soon as I recognised something was wrong I tried to listen to the current conditions of my mind and body. What would cheer me up? Once decided I had a deep bath, watched Non Non Biyori and wrote some notes on my fantasy story. The only way I get rid of my negative thinking is to not try to force it out but to accept it and override it with something that makes me happy and only then will the negatives wash away. It works every time.

I feel it’s important to remember that even when I’m having an off day I know what makes me happy. =)

 

I also made the sad decision to get rid of my Lady Lamp. I’ve had it since I was sixteen but throughout the years it has been pretty much decaying to the point where it couldn’t be fixed. It was a very big decision and letting go of attachments is never easy. I was upset at first when I decided to let it go but I got used to its absence very quickly. It’s reassuring for me that I’m able to let go of materialistic attachments, especially something as precious as my Lady Lamp.

 

All these events remind me that no matter how challenging life gets things will turn out well in the end. =D

 

I like to talk about my current thoughts on anime and manga but I’ll leave that for another time. =)

 

Thanks for reading,

Ryan. =)

March Updates

Pre-Natal Class Picture

Hello.

Many good things are happening lately and here we are now in the third week of March. It feels as though everything is happening in such a short space of time, especially art wise. This is an exciting time for my art journey. =D

Sadly I did lose a lot of steam and I’m still ill as of now, it’s one of the reasons why I decided to not accept any more requests until April. It still hurts to talk and I was unable to vlog fantasy football for the past couple of weeks. Thankfully I’m not as bad as I was, if I keep disciplined and continue to relax I should be better sooner than later. Admittedly I never like to rest, I always like to keep busy and work from morning till night. That’s not working for me so I gave myself cutting off points to chill out a bit before bed.

I drew a picture for a dear friend of mine who is also my Yogi teacher. She asked me to draw her Pre-Natal class, I said yes and gave it a go. I don’t usually draw real life people but I worked hard at it. It’s taken me a month or so to do but she loves it and that makes me happy. =)

Ever since I finished drawing my Elf Goddess Gaia I’ve been coming up with many ideas for future manga/comic/stories etc that surrounds her. I don’t have a strong foundation for a story I just visualise her beating the stuffing out of evil myriads. For that reason it will probably work better as a manga but in truth I’m still not sure.

I won’t think too hard about it. For now I’m just happy that I managed to draw a colourful picture of her but if a story comes out of it, that’ll be a marvellous bonus. =)

 

Thanks for reading,

Ryan.^^/

My 2017 Goals

It’s a new start to a new year and I have a mind-set that’s fresh and clear. I’m already feeling positive vibes from 2017 and I’m well underway with my goals for this year.

 

Socialising and Going Out

A lot has happened throughout my life. I always struggle with crowds but things are becoming easier overtime, especially with my new mind-set. I’ve accepted my weaknesses and limitations now but I persevere when I need to, both for myself and for everyone else. Despite my anxiety going out I do feel that I’m actually a people’s person and I often find myself putting everyone’s feelings ahead of my own.

I will try to go out more but only under the right circumstances. It’s all about dealing with each moment when it’s presented to me rather than analyse possible future events.

 

My Stories

For years I’ve been writing and making amendments for my children’s story and right now its under-going another editing process. I’ve completed the first book a good number of times but it was never quite ready to be published. As a result I’ve often lost motivation and lacked ideas to change. However, this is definitely the most successful editing process I’ve ever done for this story.

I’ve polished my writing style and grammar-correcting a lot and I have to thank reading different manga and light novels for that. The only materials I can read are manga and light novels but it really does go to show that no matter what genre you read, reading makes you grow as a writer.

 

Anime Art

I’ve changed my attitude and approach to my anime art and decided to take extra time to complete each art successfully. Last year I did get in the unfortunate habit of putting a time limit on each picture. Now I have the philosophy of illustrating at my own pace which goes hand in hand with my new mind-set for this year. You could say it’s a new beginning with a better approach and from now on I will emphasize quality over quantity.

 

My Current Works in Progress

-Requests (I’m undertaking around 10 requests and nearly completed 1)

-New Game! (This is a comic style landscape that features Aoba and Hifumi)

-Gaia: Mother Goddess (a more refined version of my own character, Gaia the Elf Goddess)

-Darkness (a single portrait of the masochist knight that could feature a few versions in different clothes)

-Valentine’s Day picture (to be revealed)

-Ai-Chan (going to attempt to shade Ai-Chan in the blue chrome shading style and see how I get on)

-Keijo x One Punch Man Comic (a crossover comic that is set in the One Punch Man universe but stars Nozomi and Non from Keijo)

 

I’m enjoying all these drawings right now and I can’t wait to see how they turn out in the end. 2017 will be a great year. =)

 

Thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

2016 Highlights

ryan-at-the-cinema

For the past few days I have been ploughing my head deciding what my personal highlights for this year were. In truth I haven’t really been trying that hard because I’ve been too busy enjoying my Christmas with my family whilst indulging in anime and my drawings.

Right now I’ll just select a few that come to mind. If I think of anything else, I’ll add them. =)

 

One: Family and Friends

They’re simply put, wonderful.

 

Two: YouTube Vlogging

I took a brave step and created my own YouTube channel discussing my weekly Fantasy Football team. This was very nerve-racking because I was opening myself up for criticism but I felt it was the right thing to do. Occasionally I did discuss the England team and general news but in truth I don’t really have any strong views and recently made the decision to solely focus on Fantasy Football. =)

 

Three: Kitacon Karnival

This year’s Kitacon was a better experience than last year’s Kitacon. Approaching new people was easier but it was just as nerve-racking as I still making small talk with cosplayers and taking their photos. I was unwell at times but luckily I didn’t feel as disorientated as I did last year.

Remarkably one of my pictures did feature in the Kitacon Karnival Booklet. It was surprising and exciting when I first found out and it’s just as exciting now, 8 months on before the New Year.

 

Four: Shopping Trip

It’s been quite some time since I’ve done a shopping binge for clothes but one day decided to give it a go shortly after my birthday. (Now that I think about it, it might have been in August… well, it’s still after my Birthday!) I struggle with crowds but I plunged through the troubles for the sake of buying new clothes. I most certainly made the most of the 8 hours outing but was glad to be home when the outing finished. =)

 

Five: Wii U at the Cinema

This is definitely one of the most unique activities I’ve ever experienced. I played the Wii U at a Cinema screening to celebrate my Brother’s birthday. It was a lot of fun and luckily there weren’t many people about because we did this in the morning! Hurray!

 

Six: Picture Requests

I’ve been uploading my anime art online for more than a year now and over the last few months I’ve been receiving a lot of requests to draw particular characters. This is a very nice situation to be in as it means that a lot of people are enjoying my art and it gives my drawing more purpose.

 

Seven: Epiphany and the Bubble of Troubles

This is definitely the most important aspect of 2016 for me. I’ve always been positive and looked on the bright side but I’ve been carrying this Bubble of Troubles that resulted in me thinking about the past and feeling sad. It was only in November that I realised why that was.

I convinced myself I was going to write an auto-bio of my life when I left school (I planned this when I was still a student). That turned to be a mistake as I kept on recalling sad memories and in turn I couldn’t let that Bubble of Trouble go… until now. I decided that I don’t want to think about my past, let alone talk about them, so, why should I? It resulted in over-thinking and letting my imaginations go wild to the point where I misconstrue reality with a mashed up fantasy.

With that I got that pin and popped that Bubble of Trouble that didn’t need to glide over my head. Since then I feel refreshed and I feel like I can be myself 100% without any burden stopping me. =D I still do have my limitations but I deal with them when I need to along with the situations which will arise every time, every day and every second. =)

 

Roll On 2017

I have many plans for 2017 (somewhat because they didn’t come to fruition this year. Whoops!) I want to release my book on kindle, I want to work more on my fantasy story, I want to try and socialise when the circumstances are right and draw more anime girls.

Something tells me that 2017 will be a very good year for me. I won’t speculate what that might be I’m just looking forward to it. =)

 

Happy New Year, everyone. =)

Ryan.^^/

Christmas Project

Coca-cola-lorry

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all enjoying this festive season. I know I am.

Recently I’ve been putting a lot of my work in progress aside to focus on my very own “Christmas Project.” I’m going to upload 12 pictures per day and use them as a “countdown” to Christmas starting on 13th December. I’ve been planning this for some time and I’m excited that my idea is finally coming to fruition. =D

I planned it so that I would work on two landscape pictures alongside the Christmas Project but I unexpectedly received a lot of requests between November and now. I’m very flattered and happy as I never foresaw that people would enjoy my work let alone ask me for requests. I’m working hard to get the pictures right and currently they’re all in rough stages and ready to be inked and coloured. I’m much busier than anticipated in December but it’s a nice headache to have. =)

Unfortunately I am behind schedule with this project so I’ve been making up for lost time the best I can and as a result I had to put my requests on hold. Christmas, family and baby-sitting duties comes first, especially at this time of year.

This is quite possibly the busiest holiday I’ve ever had and I have often received a lot of blank headaches and being unwell. It’s nothing to be concerned about because I recognise my own limitations and only going beyond the limits when I need to but I also stop and rest when I need to.

The official countdown will start tomorrow. I hope you enjoy viewing these pictures as much as I enjoyed drawing them. =)

Have a nice Christmas everyone. =)

Ryan.^^/

Wii U Cinema Adventure

ryan-at-the-cinema

This morning was a very unique experience. To celebrate my Brother’s 30th birthday he has hired a Cinema venue for a couple of hours to play Wii U games on one of the gigantic screens. =D Apparently this was the first ever time that someone has hired a Cinema screening to play Wii U games on.

The anticipation did get to me and that resulted in me losing some sleep last night wondering what was going to happen and over-analysing. Because I was nervous I started to think irrationally but eventually I managed to tell myself “pull yourself together.” Nothing has happened yet so it’s pointless to imagine scenes and picture the worst case scenario. Just go in there with a positive mind, and that’s what happened.

I went there with a small group of friends and family and we started to play the Wii U. I noticed the huge difference playing games on a small TV than playing games on a huge screen. Cinema screenings are usually filled with people but on this occasion there were only the 7 of us so I’m willing to go as far as say that this was the best filming experience ever… except, we were playing games rather than watching a film. Haha.

I tried to be a little more chatty this time around but sometimes I stayed quiet, unsure what to say so I just played the games. We played Nintendo Land and Mario Kart. I was very rusty. I wasn’t so good to begin with but I was even worse today. Not that I mind though, it was good fun and a brilliant experience.

I keep mentioning about my epiphany from months ago but it’s proving to be diffidence in my current positive way of thinking. Plus, I didn’t get trapped in the toilet this time so that’s a big bonus!

We played for two hours and it was a very good change of pace, but even so I did somewhat reached my limit because I started to get some blankess in my head. The blankness in my head usually indicates where I’ve been out for too long but it had nothing to do with the event itself. My enjoyment for the event was slightly greater so I tried to ignore the headache and just try to make the most of it.

After having fun whilst being somewhat out of my comfort zone I can relax with a nice hot chocolate. =)

Speaking of comfort zones, something completely off topic, I babysat my young niece the other day which was a bit spur of the moment. Usually I do struggle with “last minute” situations as I like routine but luckily this time around I managed to gather my thoughts and babysat her with Mum until my Brother came home.^^/

Positive thinking really does help a bundle and it’s a bonus when you go out for the sake of having fun. =)

 

Thanks for Reading. =)

Ryan.^^/