Attachments, Cleansing and Achievement

Elsa

Yesterday I achieved something special.

Ever since I was little I had this thing where I held attachments and had great difficulty letting go. Whether that’s letting go of past memories or physical objects it’s always been a problem. I think Autism does play a part in this but ultimately I became accustomed with this personality trait. All of this was an issue because I attached myself onto these things and I felt these memories or physical objects defined who I was when I was still finding my feet growing up.

Yesterday I decided to sort out my entire room before Christmas and I actually managed to throw out a lot of things that I haven’t used or seen for 10 years. I even gave some books and clothes to the charity shops as they were wasted in my wardrobe. I felt emotional as getting rid of things was not easy but I managed to tame my emotional attachment side and was resolute in my goal and decision.

It’s also worth pointing out as it feels appropriate that I’m only ever sad whenever I recall my younger years and childhood. In turn I’m at my happiest when I’m in the present focusing on my artwork and stories.  Why trap myself in the past where I’m living in the realm of what really matters; the present. With that in mind I decided to get rid of all the sources that link me back to my past. I partly did that throughout the years but I decided to get rid of everything whilst I was feeling motivated.

Yes it was emotional doing it but right here and now I feel cathartic and for the first time I drew my pictures and watched Match of the Day without so much as a fleeting thought.

 

Knowing not to reminisce is one thing but to put that into practice takes time and I feel I probably needed time to let go. I haven’t been able to do that until now. So, from this moment on I will not reflect on my past in my future blogs as that will defeat the object of my achievement. I will do what I’ve already been doing and that is discussing my current news, my art, anime and generally things that are relevant to me.

 

Christmas is coming and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Thank you for reading. =)

Ryan.

 

ps, I also watched the anime film “Fireworks”. I enjoyed it very much. It was another great experience to watch an anime film at the cinema. =)

September Updates

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Hello everyone, I wanted to share my latest updates.

2017 is certainly moving through the seasons rather quickly, at least for me. I see this as a good thing as I’m choosing to enjoy life rather than worry about the flow of time. =)

 

I have watched three films at the cinema in the past month and that is rather adventurous for me. I watched Spiderman Homecoming twice and the anime film, Your Name.

I’m used to watching Marvel films at the cinema but I’ve never watched an anime film on the big screen before so admittedly I was apprehensive. When I was invited to watch the latter I did panic and didn’t think rationally but in the end I decided to go and watch it. I’m glad I did. Your Name isn’t my kind of genre, I don’t usually like drama-twisting plots or tear-jerking moments but it is a beautiful film with a lovely story. The graphics and sound were especially spectacular. I wouldn’t watch it again but watching this on the big screen was a very memorable experience.

Sometimes you have to ignore the roadblocks to reach the end of the destination and that was what I did and what I will always continue to do. Some days are harder than others, and this was one of those times. ^^/

 

My personal projects are going very well and I will unveil some of them over the next few weeks. I really enjoyed drawing requests and I found it rewarding knowing that I’m making people happy with my pictures. However I stopped accepting requests because I wanted to focus on drawing illustrations for myself.

 

WORKS IN PROGRESS

  • Sketches: I have a lot of messy and clean sketches to share which I have completed over course of the months. I will eventually share them online.
  • Anime Girls: I’m cracking on with the “Anime Girls” theme and have several near completion. Aletta and Kuro from Restaurant to Another World, Rem and Hestia, and Arma from In Another World with my Smartphone. I’ve also sketched Grayfia from High School DxD but that still needs tweaking and won’t be finished for a good while.
  • Original Characters: Following Cherub I created a batch of characters. These will take a while to complete because I want to study the profiles of each lady before I publish them online. I am in the midst of inking another Gaia illustration so that will probably be done in the next few weeks depending on my schedule.
  • Comic: I’m very excited about this experimental project and I can’t wait to unveil it. =)
  • Akeno: I’m working on a picture that features Akeno Himejima. I’m in the process of deciding on a background. I’m also excited about this picture.

 

I’m really enjoying all of my projects but none more so than my comic and Akeno. =)

 

I hope September treats you all kindly, thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

April Updates

Hello.^^/

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been very busy with all kinds of things. I’ve been out socialising, continuing my outside projects and helping out with various tasks.

I got back into swimming a couple of weeks ago. I was hesitant in both weeks as the pool was filled with adults and children and we nearly bumped into each other a few times. I do my best to read situations but sometimes you learn things through experience rather than logic, even if you practice the scenario 100 times in your head. Haha.

I’ve been out a few other times as well and watched Wrestlemania at my brother’s and hanging out at Starbucks. My bro and I were both laughing because the gentleman that served me thought my name was Ray, not Ryan. I was chuckling to myself at that silly moment whilst gazing at nothing in particular when a lady, who stood near us, looked up and smiled at me. I felt a little awkward at that moment it looked as though I’ve been staring and smiling at her all that time. Of course this wasn’t the case and I would understand if she thought if I was bonkers but I will take a smile over a frown any day!

 

We had a lot of visitors at my home throughout the week and I helped to look after my niece twice this week on the same days as yoga and swimming. All was well when I felt something was off when I came back from yoga. I don’t know why but I felt very dizzy and lethargic and at one point I thought I was going to be sick. Why was I suddenly feeling ill? I had no idea why. The answer came to me quickly, a combination of lack of sleep and not giving myself enough time to recharge my batteries.

It has been a challenging week for me personally. I usually take things easy but lately I’ve been busier than ever and I’m not used to socialising with others more than once a week. Deep down I’ve probably withheld my stress and doing my best to persevere. My body and mind needs to slow down and take things easier, especially with things that aren’t in my control. It didn’t help that I got back into the habit of going to bed late and waking up very early.

It’s all ok though, as soon as I recognised something was wrong I tried to listen to the current conditions of my mind and body. What would cheer me up? Once decided I had a deep bath, watched Non Non Biyori and wrote some notes on my fantasy story. The only way I get rid of my negative thinking is to not try to force it out but to accept it and override it with something that makes me happy and only then will the negatives wash away. It works every time.

I feel it’s important to remember that even when I’m having an off day I know what makes me happy. =)

 

I also made the sad decision to get rid of my Lady Lamp. I’ve had it since I was sixteen but throughout the years it has been pretty much decaying to the point where it couldn’t be fixed. It was a very big decision and letting go of attachments is never easy. I was upset at first when I decided to let it go but I got used to its absence very quickly. It’s reassuring for me that I’m able to let go of materialistic attachments, especially something as precious as my Lady Lamp.

 

All these events remind me that no matter how challenging life gets things will turn out well in the end. =D

 

I like to talk about my current thoughts on anime and manga but I’ll leave that for another time. =)

 

Thanks for reading,

Ryan. =)

March Updates

Pre-Natal Class Picture

Hello.

Many good things are happening lately and here we are now in the third week of March. It feels as though everything is happening in such a short space of time, especially art wise. This is an exciting time for my art journey. =D

Sadly I did lose a lot of steam and I’m still ill as of now, it’s one of the reasons why I decided to not accept any more requests until April. It still hurts to talk and I was unable to vlog fantasy football for the past couple of weeks. Thankfully I’m not as bad as I was, if I keep disciplined and continue to relax I should be better sooner than later. Admittedly I never like to rest, I always like to keep busy and work from morning till night. That’s not working for me so I gave myself cutting off points to chill out a bit before bed.

I drew a picture for a dear friend of mine who is also my Yogi teacher. She asked me to draw her Pre-Natal class, I said yes and gave it a go. I don’t usually draw real life people but I worked hard at it. It’s taken me a month or so to do but she loves it and that makes me happy. =)

Ever since I finished drawing my Elf Goddess Gaia I’ve been coming up with many ideas for future manga/comic/stories etc that surrounds her. I don’t have a strong foundation for a story I just visualise her beating the stuffing out of evil myriads. For that reason it will probably work better as a manga but in truth I’m still not sure.

I won’t think too hard about it. For now I’m just happy that I managed to draw a colourful picture of her but if a story comes out of it, that’ll be a marvellous bonus. =)

 

Thanks for reading,

Ryan.^^/

February Updates

Hello everyone, I just thought I’d give you all a quick update on my latest news.

 

For the past few weeks I have been experiencing an unfortunate cold which made me lose a lot of steam and energy with my drawings so I decided to take a small break to rest. Thankfully it seems the worst of my cold has disappeared, all I’m left with is an aggravating tickle in my throat. I should be fine as long as I don’t cough or talk, haha. Fortunately I’m well enough to resume my requests and anything drawing related. =)

 

It’s amazing to think I’ve received so many requests since the end of last year. When I first shared my art online I never imagined that anyone would view my art let alone ask me for a picture. Almost all of my art I’ve uploaded this year have been requests. In hindsight I probably accepted too many requests at once which resulted in a huge backlog and since Christmas I’ve been playing catch-up. Even now I’m still playing catch-up but I will continue to keep doing my best until they’re all finished.

 

Outside my art life I’ve been up to various things, mostly watching films and the football with my family. I’m also watching two new anime from this season, KonoSuba season two and Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid. KonoSuba’s second season is as funny as I expected it to be but I’m enjoying Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid far more than I thought I would. They’re the perfect anime to cheer me up during my time with a cold and they couldn’t have aired at a better time, even their opening and ending songs lifts the mood.  =)

 

Thank you for reading, =)

Ryan.^^/

2016 Highlights

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For the past few days I have been ploughing my head deciding what my personal highlights for this year were. In truth I haven’t really been trying that hard because I’ve been too busy enjoying my Christmas with my family whilst indulging in anime and my drawings.

Right now I’ll just select a few that come to mind. If I think of anything else, I’ll add them. =)

 

One: Family and Friends

They’re simply put, wonderful.

 

Two: YouTube Vlogging

I took a brave step and created my own YouTube channel discussing my weekly Fantasy Football team. This was very nerve-racking because I was opening myself up for criticism but I felt it was the right thing to do. Occasionally I did discuss the England team and general news but in truth I don’t really have any strong views and recently made the decision to solely focus on Fantasy Football. =)

 

Three: Kitacon Karnival

This year’s Kitacon was a better experience than last year’s Kitacon. Approaching new people was easier but it was just as nerve-racking as I still making small talk with cosplayers and taking their photos. I was unwell at times but luckily I didn’t feel as disorientated as I did last year.

Remarkably one of my pictures did feature in the Kitacon Karnival Booklet. It was surprising and exciting when I first found out and it’s just as exciting now, 8 months on before the New Year.

 

Four: Shopping Trip

It’s been quite some time since I’ve done a shopping binge for clothes but one day decided to give it a go shortly after my birthday. (Now that I think about it, it might have been in August… well, it’s still after my Birthday!) I struggle with crowds but I plunged through the troubles for the sake of buying new clothes. I most certainly made the most of the 8 hours outing but was glad to be home when the outing finished. =)

 

Five: Wii U at the Cinema

This is definitely one of the most unique activities I’ve ever experienced. I played the Wii U at a Cinema screening to celebrate my Brother’s birthday. It was a lot of fun and luckily there weren’t many people about because we did this in the morning! Hurray!

 

Six: Picture Requests

I’ve been uploading my anime art online for more than a year now and over the last few months I’ve been receiving a lot of requests to draw particular characters. This is a very nice situation to be in as it means that a lot of people are enjoying my art and it gives my drawing more purpose.

 

Seven: Epiphany and the Bubble of Troubles

This is definitely the most important aspect of 2016 for me. I’ve always been positive and looked on the bright side but I’ve been carrying this Bubble of Troubles that resulted in me thinking about the past and feeling sad. It was only in November that I realised why that was.

I convinced myself I was going to write an auto-bio of my life when I left school (I planned this when I was still a student). That turned to be a mistake as I kept on recalling sad memories and in turn I couldn’t let that Bubble of Trouble go… until now. I decided that I don’t want to think about my past, let alone talk about them, so, why should I? It resulted in over-thinking and letting my imaginations go wild to the point where I misconstrue reality with a mashed up fantasy.

With that I got that pin and popped that Bubble of Trouble that didn’t need to glide over my head. Since then I feel refreshed and I feel like I can be myself 100% without any burden stopping me. =D I still do have my limitations but I deal with them when I need to along with the situations which will arise every time, every day and every second. =)

 

Roll On 2017

I have many plans for 2017 (somewhat because they didn’t come to fruition this year. Whoops!) I want to release my book on kindle, I want to work more on my fantasy story, I want to try and socialise when the circumstances are right and draw more anime girls.

Something tells me that 2017 will be a very good year for me. I won’t speculate what that might be I’m just looking forward to it. =)

 

Happy New Year, everyone. =)

Ryan.^^/

Christmas Project

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Hello everyone, I hope you’re all enjoying this festive season. I know I am.

Recently I’ve been putting a lot of my work in progress aside to focus on my very own “Christmas Project.” I’m going to upload 12 pictures per day and use them as a “countdown” to Christmas starting on 13th December. I’ve been planning this for some time and I’m excited that my idea is finally coming to fruition. =D

I planned it so that I would work on two landscape pictures alongside the Christmas Project but I unexpectedly received a lot of requests between November and now. I’m very flattered and happy as I never foresaw that people would enjoy my work let alone ask me for requests. I’m working hard to get the pictures right and currently they’re all in rough stages and ready to be inked and coloured. I’m much busier than anticipated in December but it’s a nice headache to have. =)

Unfortunately I am behind schedule with this project so I’ve been making up for lost time the best I can and as a result I had to put my requests on hold. Christmas, family and baby-sitting duties comes first, especially at this time of year.

This is quite possibly the busiest holiday I’ve ever had and I have often received a lot of blank headaches and being unwell. It’s nothing to be concerned about because I recognise my own limitations and only going beyond the limits when I need to but I also stop and rest when I need to.

The official countdown will start tomorrow. I hope you enjoy viewing these pictures as much as I enjoyed drawing them. =)

Have a nice Christmas everyone. =)

Ryan.^^/

Negativity to Positivity: Letting Go

Ever since I made my important life decision one month ago I feel a positive change in me, or more accurately, I got rid of a heavy dumbbell that’s been weighing me down all this time.

I haven’t changed who I am I just got rid of that unwelcome weight of issues that stems from my past. Because thinking about my past was a habit I became accustomed to what I thought was the norm. I recalled sad memories, grinning and bearing them because I felt that I had to and not once did I take one step back and told myself to let it go… until now.

Now I feel like I can shine brighter and show everyone who I really am, the positive side of myself without getting too anxious. I feel like I have more time for many things and nowadays I don’t cram things in. If I was going out in the evening or tomorrow I would try and squeeze in my drawings and watch anime with the thought that I had to “make the most of it.” Now I feel like doing everything more than ever and if I don’t get the time to finish tasks in one day I see those future projects as something to look forward to.

My new frame of mind has also helped me with my literacy. In the past two months I read 20 to 30 manga and since I started editing my stories I noticed an instance improvement with my grammar and storytelling and how I convey them. No doubt there is room for improvement as I’m always learning something new but I am very excited about my development as an author. =)

Despite my epiphany I’m still not fond of socialising. Even on my best day and after cleansing my negativity I still struggle and get overwhelming headaches when I’m out socialising.

 

Thanks for Reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

Life and Decisions

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I made a big decision today over a matter that I’ve been debating for years regarding writing an auto-biography about my life with Autism. Basically, I decided against it.

Since school I always envisioned myself writing an auto-biography as I felt it was my duty to rather than wanting to. Every time I dug down to my memory roots I would always end up feeling sad and feeding myself negativity. Nowadays I’m blessed with the fact that I can move on from the past but I had big problems when I was little, especially when trying to communicate with others. It was painful and frustrating not being able to talk to the point where it felt like they happened yesterday. I can still remember the pain I was in and how sad I was.

One day, today, I thought to myself if this was really worth it. Is it worth digging into my past and re-living those painful memories for the sake of sharing my story and possibly making some money through book sales? I came to the decision that it’s not worth it. I don’t want to think about those times let alone talk about them so why should I torture myself? I have a lot of wonderful stuff going on in my life right now and no matter how I look at it, living in the present, today, is far superior than re-calling the memories of the past. =)

With that, let’s talk about how good today is. =D

*

My life is wonderful at the minute. I’m editing my book after a few family discussions and I’m in the process of creating a huge database for my fantasy book so I can keep on top of my own information. =D

I’m really happy and touched by the amount of support I’m receiving throughout social media and art sites. =D I’m just happy if one person looks at my art but some of my art are getting more than 1 view. Some get over 10, some over 100 and remarkably some over 1000. Before I joined Deviantart I never would have predicted that I would receive so much activity with my art. Joining Deviantart is definitely one of my best life decisions to date.

I’m in the midst of tackling some fanart requests as I feel I’m ready to give it a go. So far I’ve completed 1 request out of 5 and at this moment I’m coping with the pressure rather well. I was asked to update my Yoko Littner picture by adding more colours and correcting the length of her right glove.

The final good news is that I recently reached the landmark of 30 completed pictures from my Manga Girls series. I find this exciting as this simple style of black and white with only the hair and eyes coloured allows me the freedom and time to complete pictures quicker. If I include backgrounds I focus too hard and take too long but if it’s just the lady, I can go all out as drawing girls seems to be my forte.

I amended and employed plenty of styles along the way and I actually think I get better every time I touch the tablet with my pen.

 

Thank you for reading, have a great weekend everyone. =D

Ryan.^^/

Being True to Oneself

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It’s been quite some time since I last attended a Yoga class but I went back this morning and I really enjoyed it. I always come away learning something new but this class in particular made me self-aware of my current frame of mind.

Lately, due to various circumstances, I’ve been lacking a lot of sleep as I’ve been very busy with life. I got into the routine of going to bed late and waking up early which hasn’t been doing me any favours. I was aware that I wasn’t myself but it didn’t register because I’ve been too focused to access myself- until I went to Yoga.

This morning’s session was all about being ‘true to oneself’ in which we go into each pose as far as our mind and body allow us to without exceeding the limits. I did one Banana Stretch and had a really bad dizzy spell which made me lose my balance and resulted in me stumbling to the floor.

Usually I would give any pose a go but on this occasion I was like “nope, not gonna happen.” I knew my limits right then and just took a Child Pose to recover. I avoided some moves as some of them brought out the dizziness in me. I went extra slow and observed my state of mind at that time.

Since then I reflected on what happened. I realise now that even though my life is busier than before I still need to take it slow and not put pressure on myself to the point where I lose sleep.

I’m now going to be true to myself and like with Yoga today just take it slow and don’t exceed my own limits. =)

 

Thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/