Kitacon Karnival Experience: Part Two

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(Kitacon Karnival Experience: Part One)

  1. BAD START TO THE DAY

The morning was not the perfect start to the day, for many reasons. I woke up late for breakfast as my alarm didn’t go off. I also accidentally yanked off my golden wristband. I was trying to adjust it as it was giving my wrist a bit of a rash. When it came off I was like “is it really that important?” and threw it in the bin. It turns out, as I found out later, it was VERY important. I wasn’t allowed in the dealer’s room so I had to go back upstairs and retrieve it from the bin…

Then, when I went to the game’s room the crew spotted that my wristband was *cough* damaged. Zen guided me to Ops where the crew gave me a replacement. After all this I decided to go back to my room to unwind where I learned there and then that I accidentally locked myself out of the room. I left my keys inside. It just so happens that my brother had a second key.

I did feel embarrassed at my own clumsiness so I decided to spend a while in my room to chill out for a bit.

  1. DAY TWO at the KITACON and STREET FIGHTER TOURNAMENT

I spent the rest of the day mostly talking to cosplayers and taking photos. I found them all pleasant to talk to but my confidence was a little bit shaky.

Socialising is still a big learning curve for me but I feel like I’m able to read situations better than ever and gauge people’s reactions slightly better than I did the year before. I think on this day in particular I probably did put myself under unnecessary pressure to socialise and I think my approach to some conversations did come across as unnatural and nervy. Luckily all the cosplayers are very nice and understanding of each other, even though we don’t necessarily know each other all that well. That’s the kind of vibe that I get from everyone. It’s that kind of atmosphere.

At one point during the day I did feel like I’d had enough and felt I would rather be at home. But, I still tried to make the most of it whilst I was there and told myself that I was going to be more active in the evening and see what happens.

Later on I took part in the Street Fighter V Tournament despite the fact that I’ve never played the game before. I was never in it to win I just wanted to play the game as I thought it would be a lot of fun.

  1. THE MASQUERADE and the PARTY

The Masquerade was a daunting experience and it was the first ever masquerade I had ever been to. I was extremely thankful that I got a VIP badge as I was allowed front row access right on the side so I could disappear anytime if it got too overwhelming. I found that reassuring. The atmosphere was not as loud and energetic as I thought it was going to be, instead it was just cheers and clapping and I don’t mind that so much as we’re supporting the cosplayers on stage.

I did my utmost best to get as many pictures as I could but everything was happening rather quickly and unfortunately I didn’t manage to take as many photos as I would have liked. I was disappointed but I did the best I could. It went on for quite a while and I did enjoy it but I think it ended at the right time, at least for me personally, as I can’t really be in a room in a large crowd for too long.

I went to my room to have a long rest after the event was done.

A couple of hours later I found my brother and good chum Chris and we danced in the party. I liked the party on the second day more than I did on the first day and I felt that it was because I was hanging around with a group whom I was familiar with whilst interacting with new people at the same time.

I spoke to a very nice lady. I think she’s a very interesting person and I enjoyed talking to her. It felt natural and I felt comfortable, a couple of years ago I might have made a polite excuse to go away from an impromptu conversation. Instead, I braved it and spoke to her. =)

I was also part of that humongous conger line and I was near the front, right behind the person who was videoing it with her camera phone. The best part of the conger line was that a Stormtrooper was right behind me. =D That conger line was fun and when it finished I decided that it would be a good time to leave and go to bed. I was in a good mood but I still had a very bad headache. If I left now, it would be on a high.

So I did.

  1. LAST DAY

It was nice and calming on the last day even though I did feel very ill in my head and body. I think because I had been speaking to so many people over the last couple of days, I felt the energy was zapping away from me. It was the right time to go home.

I did manage to take some more pictures on the last day but I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I had been, but I think most people were probably feeling the same.

OVERALL

It was a very good experience and probably one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I think this Kitacon was a lot better than last year’s Kitacon and I think it helped that I had prior experience and that there was not as many people this time around.

I’m always going to be ill and be faint in huge crowds and socialising with people but I can will myself to ignore the negative emotions and enjoy the good times that were presented to me. I had the courage to speak to more people this year than I did last year and I even managed two parties in a row.

I had some good moments and some rather bad moments but everything I did was a big fun learning curve and I’m really glad that I went. I’m growing in confidence year by year and I’m learning to be comfortable with new people as well as with my current friends.

I’m also learning not to put unnecessary pressure on myself as things will happen naturally if you live in the moment rather than plan the future.

WILL I GO TO NEXT YEAR’S KITACON?

I’m not sure. There are more positives than negatives about this year’s Kitacon, for me, so I do feel more encouraged to go than not to go. But, I still don’t like planning or thinking too hard about it as I will feel apprehensive.

 

Thanks a bunch for reading, I’ll see you next time. =)

Ryan^^/

Getting Things Wrong

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Spring Tidings.^^/

 

Like most normal human beings (that is, if you class me as ‘normal’) I get things wrong or make a mistake here and there. But, for an Autistic person like me, mistakes always seemed worse than they actually were. I’m not as bad as I used to be.

 

I’ll give you a past example…

 

Back in my school days I was one of the more ‘capable’ students, and thus, my reputation grew as such. So, I felt pressure every single day to always give it my best and to ensure that I never got anything wrong or did anything wrong. When I did say the wrong thing or I made a mistake during maths, I would get quite upset. It felt like I had let the whole school down and let myself down for not living up to my reputation. My reputation of not only being clever, being the best at sports but being a gentleman too.

 

It wasn’t necessarily getting things wrong; it was more about making someone unhappy or making someone cry. That’s the worse feeling for me. I would hate to think that someone is unhappy because of me. I strive to do the opposite. If someone raised their voice to me, I took that to mean I had done something bad and that made me feel ashamed.

 

That was when I started to fear getting things “wrong”.

 

Sometimes I would say things that I didn’t mean to say or say something because I didn’t know how else to explain it. I put pressure on myself because I probably took words too literally (hence, I don’t always understand sarcasm or generalisation), and the teachers put pressure on me to get me ‘motivated’.

 

I still remember doing my GCSE’S. In January 2006, I started my preparations for doing the Foundation GCSE’s in maths. It was literally the only subject that I did. Every time I got a question wrong I would get a telling-off for not ‘concentrating’. I was even called to the office one time for getting a score lower then average. I remember I got severely scolded because I got an easy question wrong. It was stated that I got it wrong because I didn’t work a question out using a calculator. In actual fact, I did use a calculator, I just added it up incorrectly.

 

Doing GCSE’s made me feel both proud and stressed. On the day I received a stern telling-off and had to re-take practice tests I did cry. All I did was get a few questions wrong and yet I got berated. I was under more pressure than ever to not get anything wrong.

 

2006 wasn’t the year of Ryan. XD

 

It was necessary for me to prepare 6 months for GCSE’s. I went on to get a D, well, one mark from a D (highest you could get for Foundation Maths). So, I like to think I did myself proud. Students at secondary have 5 years to prepare for GCSE’s and I only had 6 months and managed to pass, so, a pat on the back for me! =D

 

It’s important to look at it from my teacher’s point of view though; it’s a very stressful job. WWE wrestler Kane actually did some teaching before becoming a wrestler and he said that it was the hardest job he ever did. I can understand why. Teachers and TA’s are always under pressure to get the best out of a student and/or they have to meet a certain criteria. Hence, they can become stressed, which then passes on to the student.

 

My school was actually closing down in 2006 due to lack of funds. And that was pretty much when government started to close down SEN schools. This was the first and only time that the school had a student taking part in GCSE’s, I.E., me. They were under pressure to try and end the school on a good note and to get the best out of me. When they yelled at me I think they were trying a reverse-psychological approach… it failed- miserably. Haha. XD

 

They wanted to make sure as well that I was always focused, which I was by all means. It’s just that when you have your head bogged down on something and you get fatigue, sometimes, the easiest questions are the hardest, and the hardest questions are the easiest. My thoughts are, it’s not if you know the answers, it’s whether you  can focus during the actual test.

 

Nowadays

 

I still have some quirks to tell you the truth. I still get a little sensitive if I feel I’ve done something to upset someone or to make them ashamed of me. I’m not as bad though as I’m older and I have more experience of how to handle these situations.

 

As for general mistakes like getting knowledge wrong… I couldn’t really care less about those sorts of things. XD Sometimes I do get confused and ask questions but I never really go off on a tangent. If I’m mistaken about something, it’s no big deal.

 

Why, I wrote a blog on Captain America: Winter Soldier recently, annotating a review…

You can check out the review here: Captain America: Winter Soldier Review

 

I got a few things mixed up there!

 

You see, I thought the Winter Soldier (Bucky) was called Hydra. In actual fact the whole evil organisation is called Hydra, and not called Red Skull Army. XD Red Skull was the antagonist in the first film. Whoops!

 

Back in the day I would get really upset and I would feel extremely pale by writing a few mistakes on a blog post where many people mite read it online. Nowadays though, I kind of laugh at this sort of thing. Because these days people tend to laugh at my mistakes rather than yell at me. I’m an adult, thinking about it, and I’m allowed room to make mistakes.

 

Feeling no pressure for being me and being clever and what have you is all washed away in the past. The way I am now, getting things wrong and making mistakes left and right, getting barrels of laughs at my mishaps, suits me very well. It’s a part of who I am. =)

 

Namaste.^^/

Ryan